Feeling low.

Alot of people have had awesome things to say about chuck.
Elaborate, beautifull, and very heartfelt.
All I could say was, "This sucks".
After thinking and thinking and thinking that's still pretty much all I can say about his death.
It sucks.
I ramble on and on across this blog like a loon.
Endless ramblings about gay marriages, and government, and property.
And I still can't think of what to say about Andrew.
I want to say something.
I talked to Nichole last night for a couple hours.
Every time I tried to say what I wanted to say about Andrew my vocal chords felt like they swelled up and I just couldn't say anything.
Nicha would jump in when I got "too" silent.
She rocks like that.

I miss my friends. If any of you are reading this please understand. I would love to get ahold of each of you again. And I will try. I moved away cause I wanted to see if I was the same person I thought I was.
Then the world just swept me up and I ended up in Florida. I don't like it much here.
The beach isn't that great since I love the woods and open fields much more than salty slimy fishland.
I miss my family. So much is going on and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm a thousand miles away and I really want to keep my job and my house. I like them both and I have invested in them both heavily.

This sucks too.
Being so far away.
I should have talked to him more.
Now I'm scared.
Too many people I care about are all being stalked by the cold hand of the void.
And I can't do anything about it.
That sucks too.
O'm being stalked by it as well but I'm only worried about in the way that I may not have let everyone know what I needed them to know.

Well alot of you need to know. I thought you were the bomb.

Quentin: You know. I know you know.

Robin: I'm confident you know. We got time now and again and you should know I admire respect and miss you.

Nichole: You know. You don't know everything I want you to know but I told you the biggest part of what I wanted you to know.

Matt: I got to say some things. But not everything. And I don't know if you even want to know.

Tim: I haven't talked to you in years and I need to. There are some things you don't know. Again, whether you want to know them or not is a completely different story.

Chris C: We started talking again, and I keep forgetting to call you. That's my fault. I'm still embarrased and I don't want to bug you. And I know you understand that sentence.

Chris A : You may know. Probably not. But you will.

Tom: Sheesh I need you to know . I miss talkin to you man.

Rich: You too homey. We spent too much time together to not talk for so long. I miss talkin to you.

Mike: I got ahold of you not long ago. And got the distinct impression you didn't really need me to call again. Ok. I can do that.

Doug: I want to know how you are doing. The last two times I came through the KY I tried to drop messages for you so we could keep in touch. If you never got em, then I still have to find you. If you got em and just didn't care then I'll leave you alone.

John: You need to know. I lost track of you really soon . We were still living in the same town and knew the same people and we just never got around to hangin out.

Dave: Same thing. After that trip camping I don't remember us hanging out again. I think I bumped into you a couple times but I was too busy doing nothing.

Kim: I don't know where you went. I heard scary things that still make me worry, but you were like my little sis. I miss you too.

Pat: You know to be honest. I always liked you but I can't say I ever really knew you. Hung out with you yeah. Spent time around you yeah. Saw you regularly yeah. But I don't know anything about you or your life.
I don't understand how that goes down but it did.

Joe: Another guy I always liked but can't say that I ever felt like I really knew you. Always wanted to but it just never happened.

Shane: Third in my trifecta of people I don't feel like I got to know well enough. I guess it's more common than I thought.

Kevin: I missed Kevin. Then I found him. It was another one of those feelings where I just wasn't someone he was interested in knowing anymore. That's cool. Lots of good memories though.