FunWithCancer.org

My friends whip the llama's ass!

 That's all there is to it.  I'll try another job hunter, other than monster, and see what happens.  But honestly I would be better off finishing out my degree before job hunting. Northrop is paying for it for the most part and I have stable employment for the entire time I am taking school. (our contract is 5 years and my degree will take about 3)

It would behoove me to stick it out a bit longer. And that's the hard thing. I know why I want to stay here. And it's basicly my job. I have invested too much of myself into what I do and I truly love what I get to do so I don't want to drop that.

If I found a job doing what I do now up in Cincy, with a stable company then I would seriously consider moving. I would have to.

I've been down here what 7 years not. That's a while.

But know that it's not falling on deaf ears. I hear you guys. And I think about it more every month than I did the month before. I miss Ky, just as a state, not to mention all my peoples. Missin my peoples is just a double knife in the back as far as I am concerned.

But...I miss you guys. I love you. Have fun and drop me a message from time to time I will try to make more posts cause I get my high fangled intarwebery back this week. WOOHOO!

So I moved again. E-mail me and get the address.

I have no internet until sometime next week. I am treading the water but my legs are getting a bit tired right now and I hope I bump into a small island soon so I can rest a bit.

I went to Quentin and Vickies wedding. It was awesome! I love you guys, I loved seeing everyone I saw, and talked to.

You guys are all still awesome all over. I had alot of fun. Kristina went with us and got to meet my sisters and brothers and nephews and neices. CAUSE NOW I HAVE MULTIPLE NEPHEWS! WOOHOO.

Daves new baby was born, Congratulations! He is beautiful. His name is Jack Daniel Byrd. I know.  But it's the parents choice to make. lol! Such is life man. I just hope the kid isn't called "JD".

Kristina is my girlfriend. We are excluseively dating. She is the bomb. She was so awesome on the trip and meeting everyone. She is very outgoing and personable and nice. You all know. You got to meet her. More about her another day. A whole lot more. But for now just know that I have met my match. She makes me laugh as much as I make myself laugh and you guys know exactly what I mean by that. lol. She is awesome.

Time is short. So, my first week of school went OK. I missed some stuff and have been playing catch up all week. This week of school has been tough cause I have to do it all and make up some hours and I don't have internet at home so it makes it a little tight in the time tables. But I am surviving. I am making it. I am doing it and I know this time around what I am trying to accomplish with college and WHY I am trying to accomplish it. So I think my chances are much better this time around.

The trip made me massively homesick. I miss the mountains and I miss "my people". I hate Panama City and I pretty much hate all of Florida for that matter. It's just sooooo not as cool as Ky Oh. Nope not even close.  But that's fine. I'll deal with it. I definately need to shake the homesick and get back on the ball.

OK so in formulating a response to a statement in a discussion in my head, I hit a bump cause I was forced to use a word that I KNEW was not correct. It was a similar embodiment of what I wanted to say, but overall ot carried too much other social and historical baggage to convey the essence of the point I was making. Does that make sense? I don't want the word associated with it's most used historical application. So without directly prefacing the statement with "I'm gonna use a word but you have to apply it from the standard of dictionary entry number two instead of dictionary entry number one", which would just be stupid lol.

So here we go.   Absolutism is the word I was trying to use. But absolutisms first meaning is " The principle or the exercise of complete and unrestricted power in government".

Absolutisms second meaning is "any theory holding that values, principles, etc., are absolute and not relative, dependent, or changeable".

But that isn't even 100% what I mean.

So I will put it into a situation.

Person A takes the position that grass is yellow. Person B takes the position that grass is purple.

Person A then ridicules Person B for not sharing the same position. It's irrelevant about the grass. What I am talking about is the act of ridiculing someone simply for not agreeing. The argument and reasons and every aspect of the details are totally unimportant. Just the fact that one does not share the same position warrants attack.

I know discrimination could fit that, but I also know there is word I can't grab out of my head. And that is driving me crazy and that is why I had to make this pointless post! LOL

But hell it's my site and I can make pointless posts anytime I want so BLEH!

Help me out.

I figured I owuld have been toast by now but it hasn't fallen apart yet.  The whole single dad thing isn't killing me exactly.

I am tired as hell to be sure. Most days I feel like mud covered ass that's been drug up one side of a raging river bank and down the other.  But my head is still above water.

My uncle Dennis has passed away.  I didn't get to go to the funeral. Most of you know how I am about death. It is inevitable. Noone gets away. And we all get to find out eventually what happens, no matter what. So Joe told me he was really sick and that he was going to go soon. I thought I was ok with it until Joe called me and told me he was gone.

I was driving and it sucked so bad. I almost pulled over but I had to get the boys from bay base,(afterschool care) and I didn't think I could pull it off and cry like a bee-atch at the same time.  I wasn't ready. And I don't talk about him much.

But he'll never know how important he was in my head. He had a place in my head I don't take many people. It's just kind of mine. I don't really need to share it. Mostly I share stuff so my friends and family know where I am coming from or where I stand. The place he was in was kind of just my place.  Oh hell I am getting all shaky lipped now writing this.

So there is a spot in my head/heart, whatever, where I keep special things and people. These things are foundation things. Things I build other things on top of. I don't want to say like Basement as much as I want to say Corner Stone.

For example. My father in my memories that I keep in the corner stone, was a good man. He was kind, and he was fun, and he was interested in me. I know this cause I had felt it. So it went in there and after he died I kept it there. I needed it. It helped me through alot of stuff. My brother Joe is a good man whom I love very much. I don't tell him enough and I know that. But I keep that in there. I have many memories of talking with Joe and one stands out as the day I really felt like a man. The day I knew I had gone past the mark that I felt was holding me down.  And that's for me you know. I can talk to Joe about it, but to be honest in my head he doesn't want to know it. He knows he doesn't really need to know it.

If it makes you feel good to know that you were part of that instance in my life where I moved forward then you should. You made a big difference. Most of my family is in there. There is a whole wing of the cornerstone dedicated to Berta. The B wing is vast indeed.  But everyone is in there and noone get pissed that I am not going out of the way to talk about yours. I'm not slighting anyone. Just gettnig on with the point.

Uncle Dennis was right there with Dad. Side by side. I didn't know my dads other family from his generation other than Uncle Dennis. But Dennis was part of my integrity stone. I would think about the ways of doing something, and I would go back and look at his little house in my mind, and I still do. I see that little house and I know I need to do things the right way. When I was a kid it was a mansion! A castle. A place I could count on to be there no matter if the mountains fell down around it. I have spent enough time in that house to know that I would rather set myself on fire than not feel comfortable in it. And I just couldn't feel right there if I thought I wasn't trying to be a good person. And I admit, during the few visits back when I was a teenager, I wasn't comfortable there. I was scared. Scared he would know what a little shit I was and have my ass hangin from the rafter by my belt loops.

He as I knew and remember him, has always been a good person. Stern? Yes. A little gruff sometimes? Yes. But he was a good person and I have worried over the years that if I talked with him one on one I wouldn't have his respect. Because I spend so much time not knowing what I believe. But I never let that push me to say I believe in something I really don't. Cause that would be worse. And at least right now I know I could be comfortable in that little house.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense to you. And honestly I don't care. It makes sense to me and I needed to put it down. Needed to let it out. I never really talked to him in years. I took the boys to see him. That was important.

I have to drive past there again this year probably without stopping. Though I really want to. Maybe I'll just add another day so I can stop there. I need to see my Dads grave again, and I need to his, and I need to see Andrews. I need to touch them.

Sheesh. I think that covers it. I feel a bit drained now.

 I'm selling the house.  It's too much. My budget is too tight and I spend almost 2 hours a day driving. It's not worth it.

There is nothing keeping me on the beach and my life for the most part is happening 40 minutes away on the other side of town. So I am going back to apartment life. Gonna save for a couple years and see what changes.

I am registering for online college. Art institute of Pittsburhg, AKA Art Institute online. BA in Game art and design. Basicly to CLEP as many classes as I can based off experiance. So that's cool. Terrifying and cool.

The boys are doing good. Little hiccups here and there but for the most part our routine is not killing them.

Things are going well with Krisitna. It's hard to just start blabbing about it, but hell, I can be pretty honest here. It's my space. She is awesome. And I hope that I get to keep seeing her. We are dating. And it is going really nicely. The boys are not freaked, and I am not freaked and she is not freaked. I'd like to spend more time with her but life is all up on us. She has things she has to do and I have things I have to do and when we get to hang out it is usually very chill, and just laid back talking and laughing. She is a very kind woman. And very smart. And very funny and silly. And I appreciate her personality. She has a similar outlook on things so she generaly tries to be happy and jokey even when her day has completley sucked. And that's awesome. I really can appreciate that. It takes effort and any attempt to downplay it would be insulting to the character of the person who tries to live happy.

BUT, I am outa here for now. Sorry I haven't called Nichole. At this point if I am not asleep or taking care of the day I am on the phone with Kristina. lol. But again, I will try!

Love you guys!

I'm holding strong to that!

I'm lovin my life.  And to be honest it's not like it has sucked at any point in the last  many (7-8 at least) years. Bumps yes.

Hopes that were a little too high yes. But all in all I am still lovin it. Through and through.

But Kristina is is a serious monkey wrench. I just wasn't expecting that. I figured you know, meet some people get out a lttle bit. Not so much get my groove back but give my groove a hug and make sure things are still cool between us right. Well...it's almost too much. And that's about the only way I can explain it.

Sometimes faith is....evasive. I think that's all I want to say about that.

And I got some news about my uncle that I don't really like, but there isn't anything that can be done about it.

I have to gather my thoughts and put  something down so it can be there. I don't want to miss my chance.

Uhg. I have alot I want to say but I don't want to just blab. I want to organize it first and I can't seem to get that going. I just don't know how to express some of the stuff I am living and you guys know I love to talk! Especially about me! And I feel obliged to but I can't get it in order, at least an order I want.

I have never felt so special and so appreciated and so myself as I do right now.

I have never had so many friends spread so far apart in my life as I do right now.

I have never felt as connected to the world and to life as I do right now!

I don't want it to stop. EVER. If I die tomorrow I'll be ok with it. Cause I can't complain about my life. I wasn't cheated, I wasn't disadvantaged, I wasn't held back. I got to make my choices and I am not going to regret them. Cause I am here now. And here right now, is a seriously awesome spot for me. I fit right in it like hand and glove. It's a bit snug, but that's just cause I am fat. Otherwise it is perfect.

I know I am rambling. I just wanted to get that out of my head. Not like it's going to stop cause it's out, but at least I might get a little respite from it for a bit.

I love you guys. I hope you are doing ok. I'm gonna get back to my thang!

Well the first week of school has rolled by.

 And most of you know that means jack diddly NOTHIN!  The first week of school and the last week of school are a freakin joy. It's everything between that is at task in any household that doesn't send the kids off to boarding school.

The boys are being good at school and a little more rowdy at home than I was used to. They seemed to have picked up some "things" over the summer. Nothing bad really just little mannerisms that I am not used to and that I can't figure out where they encountered them.  But that is fine. That's what summer is. They grew while away from me in more ways than just shoe size.

Though some of the attitude I could do without. When an 8 year old speaks to me in a tone that says nothing but "DUH you idiot", I tend to get a little wrath-ish. My kids are bright and funny, but I won't have them be smarty pants and dis-respectful. It's not goin down like that. At any point.

So this week and probably this weekend there will be some discussion about respect and what it means, and the expectations from each of us to the other. Teamwork and such. But pity the one of these two that speaks to me like I am a dullard at any point in this lifetime. Cause that will be one miserable little child for an hour or more while he picks up pine cones from the entire yard and as he moves a stack of bricks from one side of the yard to the other and then back again one at a time. lol cruel?  I don't think so. Consequential. That's how I see it. Punishment through menial repetitive labor.

I'm hoping that it can be talked out before we get to that part though.

And now for some more info on the woman I have been talking to. Her name is Kristina. She is lovely. Actually, oh sheesh. I don't even want to get into at this point. Things are moving along, and I like talking to her, seeing her, spending time with her. Everything.

I'll put it this way, even if we DON'T date each other, I don't want to lose touch with her again. I want to know her and her story, until it ends or I do.  If the choice was Date for 2 years and get all the benefits of being lovers, friends, and partners, and then stop talking to each other for the rest of your lives, OR Don't date at all and just be friends to each other for as long as you want, I would pick just friends. Cause I want to know her life and I want her to know mine. I want to be involved with her existance from this point on. Even if it is just friends. I'd rather be her friend for life than her boyfriend for a couple years.

Does that make sense?  It makes sense to me. I know that.  I'm not sure I am explaining all of it but that's the crux.

If being involved with her romanticly meant not knowing her when she is 60 years old then I would stop seeing her and just be her friend so we can still talk to each other at 60 years old and for all the time between. I could be ok as long as I didn't just have to give her up completely. Even just getting her in small amounts would be better than losing her completely. I guess that's what I mean. I would choose which ever path allowed me the greatest access to her as the person I know.

Oh well. It still doesn't make much sense does it LOL.

She Rocks!

We have seen each other a couple times now and it's really cool. I've never met anyone like her. EVER!

But more on that later peeps.

I got's to roll!

Love ya!

The boys are back. They look splendid! I'll start with the picture posting when I can.

School is starting, and that is a whole pain the butt on it's own. Switching them to a new school closer to my work so that they don't have to spend so much time in after care and I don't have to change my schedule.

I was so happy to see them. And I think things are going to be fine. Budgeting is going to be the only real problem. And that is all on my head.

I have been talking to someone new. She is wonderfull and I have gotten to see her twice now. We talked nightly for a few weeks up to meeting each other accidentally. I went from work one night with a couple of the guys to have a beer and then we all decided to go to another bar Art likes, and when I was there she gave me a call around 10 pm which has become our custom, and I told her where I was and she let me know she was on her way to that same bar to meet some of her girlfriends.

OH SWEET BUTTERED TOAST!

Yeah I had a minor anxiety attack and tried to run, but she got me at the door. And she is awesome. We hung out for a while that night. To be honest she didn't want me to drive home and SHE WAS TOTALLY RIGHT! But I don't want to admit that to her just yet cause she will feel guilty about it. I sooooo shouldn't have driven that night.

OK I shouldn't have driven away from the first bar. And I shouldn't have even looked at my truck when leaving the second bar lol.

She calls me back and everything.

 I am going to try to take the boys fishing this weekend. It is cheap, and it is fun, and if they get bored then they can just flop around while I get my fish on or flop around with them. It will all be good for sure.

Ok well I hope you are having fun and things are going well.

Love ya! bye

All of you have to just listen to this ok.

You don't have to believe it and I don't expect you to raise your fist and march around, though I would freaking LOVE IT if you did.

 Just listen to it. It's not crazy talk.

We have to stop sitting around on our butts and letting the TV lull us deeper into our own ignorance.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3254488777215293198

WOOHOO!

Had another awesome time out on the water with Chris and Dyann and Dave and Aliesha and Kent and Jill and of course "The Christy". Chris was all about his mad boat skills and scared the crap out of us for a majority of the trip. But the man has skills! He was surfin that Som-bich and pullin Yeehaw jumps over the old mill bridge like a Duke boy!

It was some sweet action. Jills hat flew off at one point and Chris throws down the crazy ivan to retrieve it and I was just totaly convinced we were headed to the bottom of the sea cause the boat was just sideways sliding into the water and I was sure it was goin down! But no, he leveled it out and vroomed right up to the hat and Dyann yoinked it outa Davey Jones cold fingers!

Poor Kent looked like he would rather be having a colonoscopy to a packed crowd at the astrodome than sitting in that boat, but my man held strong! He fought the good fight and walked with his head high. Life jacket and all. LOL

We saw more dolphins, and Aliesha tried to kill me. I was gettin my float on and she snuck up on me and pinched my back and I nearly had a heart attack! Cause stuff EATS YOU in the ocean man. It doesn't bite you! It eats on you! So I knew I was gettin et and popped up out of the water to the laughter of my friends. Always a good thing to hear.

And I wanna say all of these people just have the most honest and genuine smiles you'll ever see. It's like being a kid again with all of them. The smiles are easy plentifull and just so honest! Never any half smiles. Never any my mouth is bent in the appropriate way but I don't really care about what is going on. When they crack a smile it just jumps right out at ya and says HOWDY! I'M A SMILE! CAUSE THERE IS SOME JOY UP IN THIS ACTION!

 Man you gotta love that! One of the dolphins was a baby dolphin and it's mamma! Noone jumped in the water on that one cause of Daves stories about the mamma dolphin. His words-"Bitch tried to drown me!"  LOL!

Daves fun. All of them are fun.  And NOW I want some lobster! I want King Crab legs! I wanna throw down on some crustaceous eateries! So I have to talk it over and see who is down with that! Cause for some reason. I am all about it!

Love ya! Bye!

Man o Man! The weekend was good.
Christy and I went to the outlet mall and had dinner. I also had a "gelato", That kicked the booty.
Christy is always fun to hang out with and friday was no exception. Lots of jokes, lots of points, and lots of talking about life in general.
Saturday, something happened but I don't remember what it was. OH yeah, me and Rob saw Superman. It was OK. I liked it and hanging out with Rob is always fun.
Sunday I went out with Andrea and saw a movie. We had lunch/early dinner at Los Rancheros at the shops in edgewater and then went to see The Lake House with Keanu and Sandra bullock. Good movie. Cute and heartfelt and a really nice date movie. We hung out for a bit after that and I invited her to accompany me on the fourth of July outing with Chris and everyone on the boats and she seemed excited about that.
I gotta say. I like spending time with this woman. She is cute. And I like her.
Now monday came around and I went to the Driving range with Rob in the evening and we hit golf balls into the dark. The range is well lit so it was good. I felt pretty good about it. Slice was evedent but it wasn't terrible. And I was getting clean hits a majority of the time. I did straighten out the slice over time but in so doing I lost a little distance. But that's what the driving range is for right. Cleaning up and getting consistent. Power after Form right.
So monday I left messages for Andrea to work out the details of Tuesdays adventuring. And I got nothing back.
No call no message, nothing. So Tuesday rolled up and I just went as planned.
The day was awesome. Chris and Dyans boat is awesome, Dave and Alieshas(sp) boat is awesome, Kent and Jill were awesome, Christy was awesome. It was a really fun day.

I got to swim with a dolphin. It was incredible. The thing just swims up out of nowhere and Dave yells out where it is and everyone starts moving toward it. So he says jump in near it, and so I did. It didn't run off.

It came back and started swimming around all of us in the group. And he would pop his head out of the water every now and again and look us over.

Then Bloop right back under the surface and just swimming between all of us in a pattern. Dave and Aliesha said he was begging for food, waiting for us to give him something to eat.

I would have if we could have gotten to it fast enough. But I don't think anyone wanted to get out of the water to fetch anything. It really was great. It's hard to explain. They are just really much bigger than you think and so powerfull that I was a little surprised how he moved around.

 All in all it was one of the better days I have ever had. Really chill, and really exciting, and really just magic. That big sea puppy made everything ten times cooler for the rest of the day.

Everything just went really well!
So awesome.

 
Today Rob came over and hung out with his new DS lite. Got to play around with that brain training game. That was fun. More Wii talk and generally yackin about nothing, and chowin some pizza. Awesome day as well.
I am rather bothered by the fact that I keep contacting Andrea and she just doesn't really call back.
It's like a 50/50 of getting through to her about stuff.
I sent her a message about it so either we can talk it over or she will never talk to me again. One way or the other it'll get worked out lol!
I hope your week went well and that you had a safe and happy holiday! As frustration free as possible!